Attachment Trauma in Children

Attachment between a parent and child is life’s primary connection. This attachment has exceedingly important implications for a child’s future. A secure attachment facilitates a child’s physical, behavioral, cognitive, and emotional development, and is an essential factor in learning how to love and trust others and oneself.

There is evidence that the bonding process begins in utero, that is, during the nine-month period a child is developing in their birth mother. The attachment process continues during an infant’s first 24-36 months, as they express their physical and emotional needs for nurture, which are met by their mother. As this back-and-forth process of nurture and communication continues, the child begins to develop a feeling of trust that they will be taken care of, and that the world is a safe place.

If this reciprocal process is disrupted, attachment trauma (aka reactive attachment disorder or RAD) may develop. Multiple traumas compound the problem, which can impact a child’s ability to trust and attach to their parents, or anyone else. Experts in the field of treating trauma have recently developed a term for this combination of multiple and prolonged early interpersonal traumas and emotional neglect as developmental trauma disorder or complex trauma.

Indicators for children-at-risk include:

• abuse

• neglect

• physical loss of a parent due to death or adoption (even on the day of birth)

• multiple caretakers due to time spent in foster care or an orphanage

• emotional absence or unavailability of a parent due to post-partum or chronic depression

• chronic, unrelieved pain in the child

For many children, their pre-adoptive traumas have left them unable to trust that the adults in their lives will care for them, keep them safe, and won’t abandon them. In order to form attachments properly, an adopted child not only needs parents who will give them love, but they also need to be able to accept that love. A child cannot accept their parents’ love if they are unable to trust others. This inability to trust leads children with attachment trauma to display an excessive desire to control others and their environment. They might have rageful tantrums and be especially difficult at home, yet act exceedingly charming in public. They might be clingy and demanding of attention or avoid affection, except on their own terms. Additionally, they might have poor eye contact, chatter excessively, experience difficulty sleeping, and/or have abnormal eating habits.

Unfortunately, the symptoms of attachment trauma may mimic or overlap those of other disorders such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), or pervasive developmental disorder (PDD). This can lead to frequent misdiagnoses and failed treatments. And even worse, parents may be blamed for inadequate parenting skills or overreacting, such as being told “it’s only a phase” or “this too shall pass.”

As a mom who’s “been there, done that,” I understand and emphasize with your genuine concerns regarding the attachment problems you and your child are facing.

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